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“Humble yourselves before
the Lord,
and He will lift you up.”
James 4:10 (NIV)
In
November 2014 I was with my wife driving south from Atlanta, beginning our
third day of hard driving to the promised land—Naples. I was tired and
physically working off the drinks I had had the night before to relax and get
some sleep. That was my usual pattern.
Suddenly
I noticed we were approaching the cutoff exit at Macon but were in the left
lane. With just a quick check on traffic, I pulled across the other two lanes
and exited to the blasting of other car horns. What had I done? I could have
killed my wife and other innocents. I didn’t care about me. I hadn’t liked
myself for a long time. Drinking the night before was only the tip of the
iceberg. I pulled off the road and turned the driving over to my wife. I had to
change.
Two days
later in Naples I sought help. That was very difficult for me and my ego-driven
self-image. Finding the humility to ask for help was only the beginning. I
wanted to become the kind of person that God wants me to be. I had to learn to
be humble in everything.
“I can
do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).
I turned
my will and my life over to the care of God. That meant letting go of “I want
what I want right now” and substituting “Thy will be done.” I accepted that I
have real control only over
what I say and do. With work, I became much better at controlling my
attitudes, thoughts, and emotions as well. I stopped fighting anyone and
anything, knowing I have no control over other people and situations.
I sought
through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God. That
meant starting each day by getting on my knees, praying in gratitude for all my
blessings and asking God to free me from the bondage of self and lead me
through the day. I always condition my prayers with “Thy will, not mine, be
done.”
After
prayer, I read and meditate on spiritually inspiring materials. One of my
favorites is Forward Day by Day which is available to each of us in the
entrance of St. John’s church. In the course of my day, I often find myself saying,
“There you go again,” hearing Ronald Regan’s famous line. Whenever someone says
or does something I don’t like, I try to pause and pray, then respond, if
necessary (often it is not). It isn’t easy. It takes a lot of effort to change
a lifetime of habits of thinking, feeling and acting.
I found
myself mired in the past. I turned to Father Joe for help with my sins and
shortcomings. He was very generous with his time. I poured out my heart,
welcomed his guidance and, after several meetings, received absolution. The
Holy Spirit went right through my heart. I wept deeply. I knew without a doubt
that I was forgiven. I even forgave myself.
I had a
new way of life before me. That feeling of relief and freedom is wonderful. I
went on to seek out and apologize to those I had harmed in the past. I gave up
my old resentments. Today, I continue with these practices. I try to remain
ever vigilant for my negative reactions and thoughts and personal shortcomings.
I have learned that in order to love others, I have to be able to love myself.
Jesus is now with me on my journey.
In
addition to these practices, each week I attend two Bible studies and this
beloved St. John’s church services. Obviously, I am getting more involved here.
I seek to be of service to others in some way every day. Humbling myself daily
through these practices has given me a happy, joyous and free life beyond my
wildest dreams.
Michael Thomas
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