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“The Lord himself goes
before you and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
It was
June.
We lived
on a farm and, as a kid growing up on a farm, I was always on tractors and
other equipment with the farm hands. I was almost three, the oldest child in
the family, when my mother went in the hospital to have my brother.
One day,
however, when Mom was still in the hospital, one of the farm hands rode me
around on a tractor and began to touch me in ways he never had before. Then he
took me into the field where we’d just planted row after row of potatoes. There
wasn’t any green foliage yet, just mounds of brown dirt.
Raymond
laid me down between two rows of potatoes and had his way with me. I looked up
at the beauty of the sky. I didn’t understand what was happening to me, but I
was very much aware of God’s presence.
Raymond stopped working at the
farm a short while later. Nobody ever told me why.
Even
after Raymond left, my biggest desire was to get off that farm, to get away
from those memories, to get away from those fields, to get away from everything
that reminded me of Raymond.
Years
later, as an adult with grown children, I went back to that place in the potato
field. It had become a pasture. I laid down in the same spot. It was still very
clear in my mind where it was. I looked up and saw the same sky I’d seen as a
child. As I gazed took in its vivid blueness, bright sun and white clouds, God
spoke to me.
“I don’t
like what Raymond did to you,” He said. “I don’t condone that kind of action,
but I gave man free will.”
I
laughed out loud. It was the laugh of the lame leaping! I’d felt God’s presence
as a little child, then I’d heard God’s voice as an adult. The release I felt
was extremely powerful.
Some
years later, one Sunday when I’d gone back home to visit, I was at the family
church when Raymond’s younger brother, Joe, came
up to me and said, “Raymond passed.”
“Oh, Joe,” I said, taking his hand and shaking it,
looking him directly in the eye, “I am so sorry.”
In that
moment, I knew that I had been healed. The pain from my memories was gone. They
no longer had the power to hurt me. The Holy Spirit was so comforting and
pleasing, I knew once again that I was in God’s presence.
He had
not forsaken me when I was almost three, and He has never forsaken me since. A Grateful Believer
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